What’s Wrong With Me?
I have to admit I feel pretty discouraged right now.
I posted my grand "plan" to kick myself in the ass and get back to doing the things that I *know* I should be doing in order to lose weight and then I pretty much ignored it all week. And of course I'm full of excuses... I had to work late, I haven't slept enough, I went out with friends, someone kidnapped me and shoveled fattening food in my mouth... blah, blah, blah. But the bottom line is I could have eaten right. I could have exercised. I could have recorded all my food and focused on doing the right things, but I didn't.
Seriously, after all this time, and all this work, am I really so fucking weak and stupid that I'm going to allow myself to gain back every pound that I've worked so hard to lose?
For months and months and months now I've told myself that more than just my pants size was changing... that *I* was changing... that the essential bits that make up my character and define what's important to me were changing too. I've convinced myself that by shifting my priorities and focusing on making myself healthy, in all ways, that I was doing more than just losing weight, that I was changing... that i was evolving, maturing and growing. But how can that be true when it takes so little for me to fall right back into the patterns that, seriously, nearly killed me?
*sigh*
