I used to be 56 Kg and now I am 76. How did I manage to put on so much weight over 20 years? To put it laughably, one kg a year. I was still about 65 Kg about 10 years ago and at my height of 159cm, that was fine with a BMI (body mass index) of between 23 to 27. As I tipped the scale at 69 Kg, I started to feel conscious of my weight with its implications on the state of my health.

I love chocolate, ice cream, cakes,oxtail soup,long-grain white rice, fried chicken but I also love fruits and vegetables Food galore! I know my sin foods and yet I cannot help having them. I tried to exercise, walking briskly for about 40 minutes about three times a week but I end up being more hungry and eat more! I went to a gym but found the atmosphere depressing with everybody, working out in robot-like fashion and most of them are not even fat by my standard, what the hell are they doing in the place? Okay, some people might say that these exercise freaks are there to maintain their “good” health and not so much about losing weight.

Yes, I watch the “Big loser” programme on TV a couple of times but the pressure and the pain the participants go through is not my idea of a relaxing entertainment.

The only time I really lost my weight down to 60 Kg was when I was angry and disappointed with my partner with his merry ways. I was depressed for almost a year, did not feel like eating to the point that I suffered from malnutrition, my hemoglobin went down to less than 10 (normal 12 to 14). I was unhappy and emotionally drained and food did not give me the joy like they do now! I was not healthy at all. No exercise, mind you, just wasting away. I got over it somehow with family support then gradually my weight started to climb.

I was still 69 Kg about seven years ago and the last two years had really spoiled me with rich foods, served buffet-style and those meetings that I attended on a regular basis. When you attend a seminar or conferences held in five-star hotels, you would expect dining five times a day! And the almost daily take-away and frequent restaurant lunches with my “rehabilitated” partner also did not help matters.

My weight reached 74 Kg two years ago and I started some exercise program and it went down to 72 in eight months then I went to Europe late last year for three weeks and was not on regular meals, it further dropped to 71kg and thought I could maintain it upon returning home, but not the slightest chance, especially when my favorite food is fried noodles, Belgian chocolate drink from Coffee Bean and New York cheesecake!!! It is no wonder that I added five kg after 10 months. Now, how to lose this excess fat without doing away with my sin foods? I have tried but I cannot help it. May be I shall eat in small amounts, would it help? I wonder.

I have friends and acquaintances who have similar weight problems and they are also in the same predicament, they just cannot change their diet style even when they know they are going to get high blood pressure and diabetes etc. Food is like drug addiction, the only different is the latter affect the nervous (upper) system,making you THIN, the former attack the “lower system”, making you FAT.

The struggle with my weight and BMI reaching unhealthy 30 has been a long-drawn out process. It requires constant awareness and the will to go on. I do not want to reach 80 Kg, or Lord! No thank you. All my clothes would not fit me as if that is the most important point! No, at that weight I am sure my body will just give in and my blood pressure and sugar are going to build up and my knees would be subject to greater stress and I might have arthritic pain. And very importantly, I might no longer look attractive ( is this scary enough?).

I must lose weight, I am aiming at 65Kg, but I do not want to be depressed while doing it. I still want my favorite foods in small amounts perhaps and I want to exercise whenever I feel like it and not because I am forced to. Are these too much to ask?